Miller's Dog - Reading Between The LinesThis is the newspaper article that inspired the humor of Miller's Dog. Read between the lines as this editor brings a mixed-up dog to heel for for the sins of professional journalism: sarcasm, abuse, personal attack, faulty logic, disregard for ethics & the opinions of others. Enjoy. -JBH
epilog: miller's dog poses as a knowledgeable outdoor commentator at the local newspaper. He can be found sucking-up to anyone who might want to trade a quote, photo or some form of "free advertising" for a fishing trip with an inept, chain-smoking know-it-all. miller's dog ties his own lies and specializes in "fish & tell".
To be fair, miller's dog is a skilled reporter of events. Unfortunately, this persona is overshadowed by the self-serving hack forever cranking-out inane commentary for his next flop of a "book". Is there an editor in the house? Yes...right here along with my sarcastic review commentary in brackets. Read on.
ALL ANGLERS WELCOME, AS LONG AS THEY'RE LIKE US
(by Miller's Dog, October 31, 1996, Statesman Journal, Salem, Oregon)
Don't say it if you don't mean it. [that includes you bucko]
For years, I've been extolling the virtues of fly fishing, widely quoting guides and people from clubs and fly fishing shops about how egalitarian the sport has become. [focus of the attack]
Gone, they say, are the days when fly fishing was populated by a tweedy bunch of foppish, effete snobs. [introduction of stereotypes]
Come in jeans, they said. [informality is common]
Don't be embarrased about how bad your casting is, they said encouragingly. [even dilettantes are accepted]
Everyone's welcome. [except a journalist engorged with attitude]
Until...[sand the decks, boys]
At the September meeting of the Fish and Wildlife Commission, I had to listen to a guy testify [leg-humping] about how people like me aren't welcome. [inferiority complex]
It was the same guy who I had quoted in several articles over the years [payback with journalistic abuse] about the unbridled bonhomie and open door policy of fly fishing. [personal attack aimed at an unnamed local newspaper reader]
Commisioners were taking comments on, and ultimately voted in favor of, expanding the definition of fly-fishing-only waters to allow people to use a spinning rod, a bubble and a fly. [an error the Oregon Wildlife Commission quickly corrected]
Not since George Wallace stood in the schoolhouse door at the University of Alabama have I heard such arguments for exclusion. [the race card - extremely bad dog]
"We've only got these few waters that we can call our own," he said as a preamble. [a sprinkling of the truth]
Out came words such as, to paraphrase, "like to be with our own kind," and "social undesirables," along with, "not ethically compatible" and even, "not esthetically compatible." [key word: "paraphrase" which is code for invent a quote to fit a personal bias]
Let me say for the record [how do you like 'the record' so far?] that I do own a fly rod [you mean a 'fly pole' don't you?] and use it frequently [as a prop or conversation piece], if not well [self-actualization? no, just the truth].
But I also enjoy fishing with an ultralight spinning rod, a clear plastic bubble [not to be confused with a red & white plastic bobber] and a fly. [gleefully sling that thing on 99.8% of Oregon waters]
A lot. [as in reporter's ego]
My hooks are all barbless [here's your idea of a barbless hook], and most of my flies are hand tied, by me. [loose wads of fur & lead]
I release most of the fish I catch. [chain stringer is too large] Not all, but most. [okay, you're almost pure]
Yet I'm esthetically and ethically incompatible. [totally your hangup, bub]
Fishing with a fly and bubble is how I first started fly fishing [which of course it is not], and it's how my daughter, [Grouper], learned to catch first bluegill then trout with a fly.
In the end, the purists are probably right. [self-pity]
Nobody using a fly rod ever would put a worm or a couple of split shot and a Corky on the end of their leader, would they? [sarcasm ad nauseum]
You can tell by the tweeds? [this smarty pants]
But anyone with a spinning rod is a morally bankrupt threat to the purity of the sport. [tactic: foment class warfare]
I'd like to express my appreciation to all the moral uplifters in the sport of fly fishing who set me straight. [nixon complex]
I've learned that it's not the ethics of the person holding the rod; it's the kind of rod they're holding that determines their ethics. [what you know about ethics wouldn't float a #22 giffith's gnat]
Thanks for clearing that up. [and thus, the reporter's pity-party ends]
SOURCE: the local paper; copyrighted by it & used here for review purposes only:
"You call this journalism?"
"Nope. I call it sport."